This book will not change your life

How do you write a book cover blurb? When I needed one for Fashion Circles I made the mistake of looking through my bookshelves for inspiration - and cringed at some of the exaggerated claims I found there.

This book will make you laugh and cry, one novel promised. Really? I remembered some amusing scenes that might have raised a smile but I hadn’t shed a single tear.

A crime story assured me it would keep me guessing right to the last devious twist, so how had I managed to work out whodunnit by the end of the third chapter? Historical sagas would sweep me away (they didn’t), every thriller was terrifying (nope), and as for the sensational masterpiece by a famous author - well, I’d found it so boring that I gave up halfway through.

Of course I want people to read my little book, but how to attract readers without actually lying to them? My first attempt at an honest blurb went something like this:

This book will not change your life. It won’t be the most astonishing thing you’ll read this year or even this week. It hasn’t been praised by important literary magazines or become required reading in schools. It is not endorsed by celebrities or, indeed, by anyone at all. (My nearest and dearest say they like it but I’m not sure if they’re just being kind.) If you do read it I hope you’ll find at least some of the stories entertaining, but please accept my apologies in advance if you think it’s all rubbish.

That’s not going to sell many copies, is it?

In the end I decided not to make any claims - false or modest - about the quality of the book. Instead, I tried to give a  rough idea of what the stories are about so potential readers can decide if they're the kind of tales they might like.

All I have to do now is wait and see if it works.

                     What’s the most outrageous book blurb you’ve ever read?